Start Where You Are

For where else can you, really?

I am practicing the art of forgiveness routinely and discovering the previously inconceivable grace and power in forgiving myself, which has been the most difficult of all undertakings. My mind keeps giving me those 'feel guilty' messages that its so committed to, but I am choosing to heed the guidance of those more enlightened than my mind.

I've been a student of spiritual and metaphysical teachings for sixteen years and my life demonstrably suffered when I allowed other things to become more important than routine spiritual practice.  A little over a year ago, my life completely exploded and like any catastrophe, it has been a lengthy and painful process cleaning up the mess a little at a time. I was involved in a sizable endeavor and the cumulative stress and poor choices slowly took their toll, culminating in a great number of people involved running in fear and pointing fingers, leaving me to deal with the fall-out, which it has been my honor and responsibility to do.

In steps Louise Hay...  she really came just before the true crisis point, but I called on her personally during my dark night of the soul and she graciously responded with her mantra and latest book, "You Can Create an Exceptional Life," co-authored by Cheryl Richardson. I began right away. I'm not saying I did it perfectly, as I was still experiencing strong feelings of resistance to some of the events that had taken place, complicated by the hormonal effects of menopause and tremendous stress, but it was truly the first key step in my ongoing recovery.

This entire blog is really dedicated to Louise and the large number of Hay House authors that have impacted my life through the years.

In truth, my life began to implode seriously about a year before that and I want to discuss the practices that worked, as well as those that did not. It was a classical breakdown, textbook, you might say, right down to the many times I stood in the middle of the chaos that had come to overrun my home, asking, even begging God for change.

There was so much involved, a great deal of it well beyond my control and I had allowed myself to become endangered by the perceptions of others who formed opinions without taking the time to fully investigate or really even ask. There are many who still stand by me who witnessed first hand the deceptive and sometimes cruel methods employed as my life was torn apart.

I shared with one key insider that the crisis was all part of the grand plan, and I could see it as it unfolded, for how could I truly demonstrate healing without first opening up and revealing just how broken I had become?

In the end, I understand and forgive. Really, I do. True to my character, I have done my homework and researched key aspects of the chain of events, leading me to an understanding of why things were handled as they were. I needed a good long break, I really did, but there was too much happening for it to all stop on a dime. There is much that needs to be addressed in making peace with the past, so stay tuned. It certainly wasn't all what it seemed and there were many acts of beauty and kindness that I wish to acknowledge.

The work had been inspirational to many, and it was through inviting too many in that most of our problems arose, in more ways than one. It really isn't hard to see the big picture, but let's begin talking about what I am doing TODAY.

Today's lesson came through Hay House Radio, a rebroadcast of "Making Peace with the Past" by davidji.  His lesson involves six steps, outlined below with my personal commentary:

Step One ~ It All Starts with Our Thoughts

It's true! I was begging for change and aware that certain personalities were definitely not in alignment with what our intention had been for them, but I had given up trying to manage the situation as it was truly out of my hands, even if that fact resulted from an earlier decision I had made with regard to management. I saw the crash coming, even created it with my thoughts.

Step Two ~ Set Your Intentions

My intention goes back to a lesson from one of my favorite teachings, "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch.  I intend to Create as opposed to React, the only difference in the two words being the placement of the 'C.'  I intend to 'c' things right. Now I know that's a broad net to cast, but I'll continue to do so, one thing at a time.

Step Three ~ See the Divine in Others

I have managed to do this through my pain and there are a great number of witnesses to this.  I have vented and cried, and admittedly struggled greatly to see the divine in a couple of circumstances, but each has been a mirror and I honor their roles in my life. That doesn't mean I'll be joining them for lunch, however.  ;-)

Step Four ~ Forgive Yourself and Things You Did in the Past

Undoubtedly the most difficult step, requiring meditation to quiet that inner voice. I swear, sometimes, that girl doesn't know when to shut up! Um, yeah, I see where that has been a practice inside and out, requiring ongoing forgiveness until she just stops trying. 'But sarcasm can be so much fun!' Hush, girlfriend, the pain is almost over.

Step Five ~ Commit to Making Better Choices

This is the easiest step, by far, and getting easier every day.  The truth is, so much has been shown to me in the way of good choices, that it is difficult to fit them all into a day! Nutritional support, exercise, daily spiritual practice, a manageable housekeeping routine, to name just a few examples, are all key components as I strike a powerful balance in my life once more.

Step Six ~ Trust

Let Go and Let God.  Difficult to do when things are spinning out of control, but the plan is unfolding just fine. All in time. All I can say is that my ideas obviously didn't work so well at times and its nice to let someone else take the wheel.

Enough for now. I'm preparing to join my incredible neighbors for supper, remarkable people who have been role models and the dearest friends through it all.

Thank you, God!